Did Netflix throw Meghan under the bus?
Inspired by true, calamitous events.
‘With Love, Meghan’ the new Netflix Series
What can I say about Meghan Markle’s latest Netflix vehicle ‘With Love, Meghan’?
Bloody everything!!!!
‘With Love, Meghan’ is supposed to be a home entertaining and lifestyle show, which is a genre that I’m very familiar with.
I love a cooking show and love watching people who can just arrange things with an artistic flourish, making our own mortal efforts look like those of a toddler… but sadly for Meghan she is not one of those people.
When she puts a load of stuff on a plate or jams it into a basket, it just looks like stuff on a plate or in a basket.
In a cruel twist of fate, she has no artistic flair.
When she cajoles 20 small bouquets’ worth of flowers into one giant vase, it just looks like a ‘load of flowers stuffed in a vase’ rather than a beautiful display…. until the edit.
That one was particularly hilarious as the final shot of Meghan’s overflowing vase effort (below left), was then cut (very quickly!) to the finished arrangement (below right), which as you can see is very different… and, rather better.
But alas, not all of the blunders were papered over, most of them were left clearly visible for all to see!
Which made me begin to wonder if the series was actually meant to be a comedy parody of a Lifestyle show, or perhaps they had just thrown Meghan under the bus?
I couldn’t even begin to imagine what would have been said and agreed upon at the pre-production meeting with the Netflix team and Meghan.
Until I did begin to imagine it… and then it all made perfect sense…
Netflix HQ boardroom: pre-production meeting
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Ok, it’s going to be an über-luxury ‘Meghan entertaining at home’ style show, with cooking, flower arranging and froo froo goopy-type stuff.
Please note, the network has a ton of dried lavender we need to offload, from a documentary about Provence in France, so anywhere you can use it would be great.
Meghan: Sounds good, but we can’t film it at my actual house, it’s always swarming with paps.
Netflix Executive 2 (NE2): Ok Meghan, we’ll rent somewhere…
Meghan: Sorry to interrupt, but you can call me Meg. I call myself Meg, like the cool girl from Family Guy.
Netflix Executive 2 (NE2): Ok Meg, we’ll rent somewhere that looks like it could be your house, but be sure to mention very early on that it definitely isn’t, so the audience won’t wonder why you don’t know where everything is.
Meghan (beaming): Great! Then I can pretend not to have the exact right equipment too, and show everyone my ingenious plastic-bag-piping-bag™ invention!
Food Stylist (FS): The kitchen will need to be cream too, as the food looks best against it, so will your wardrobe Meghan. You can have up to 18 different shades of beige and cream, but no more, otherwise the viewers will find it confusing.
Lighting Engineer: Additionally, given the brightness of Meg’s teeth, we can’t have any spouts on pans, bowls or jugs either, as the light bounces off the irregular shape and will confuse the viewer.
In any case, our focus group much preferred everything to be repeatedly spilled all over the oven and counter. Gives it a more rustic feel.
Meghan: What about the hot wax in the candle making scene?
Jo Malone (Candle Consultant): It’s fine, just add a few drops of essential oils to look like you know what you’re doing. However, if the wax does get dripped onto the beech block island worktop, it’s best to just burn it down and replace it, you’ll never get the stain out. Do we have the budget for that?
Netflix Executive 2 (NE2): Yes, but in that case we will need to instigate a ‘strictly no shoes’ policy on the wooden floor so we don’t need to replace that if dented/stained too. Your choice, but you can’t have both?
Fashion Co-ordinator (FC): Fine. That works and will cement Meghan in as a true ‘shoeless woman of the people’.
Netflix Executive 2 (NE2): What about animals, where are we on that, is there a cute dog or cat we can use?
Health & Safety Officer (HSO): The only place to site a dog basket is in front of the kitchen sink, which is a trip hazard.
Netflix Executive 2 (NE2): Can we have it on a pulley so we can move it left or right as required?
HSO: Yes, that could work, but we will need to sedate the dog so he doesn’t fall out and injure himself.
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Ok, Episode 1… how did the Beef Wellington and Baked Alaska go in rehearsals?
Food Stylist (FS): Not well, we need to simplify. Meg can you boil pasta and dollop yoghurt in glass bowls?
Meghan (beaming): Yes, I can!
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Thank fuck.
Netflix Executive 2 (NE2): What about snacks? Meg, can you take snacks out of one plastic bag and put them in another?
Meghan (beaming): Oh yes! I do that really well, and I can do labels too!
Close-Ups ’N’ Textiles: I can confirm, her penmanship is second to none.
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Hallelujah! We might just get away with this.
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Ok, Episode 2… we have a couple of timing issues to thrash out.
Firstly, Mindy has a long history of kicking off, if she isn’t offered food within 10 minutes of arriving somewhere. Meg can you rustle up a quick frittata if need be, as there won’t be anything else available, you might need to get in early?
Meghan: Yes sure.
Netflix Executive 2 (NE2): And we won’t know how many eggs the royal hens will have laid for the frittata until 2 minutes after you start cooking. So can you just start by saying “I’m going to be using 8-12 eggs?” rather than being specific?
We don’t want to be sued over saying it ‘will contain ten eggs’, if we can only muster eight?
Meghan: That’s an odd thing to say, who says that, won’t I sound a bit stupid?
Netflix Executive 2 (NE2): Nah, it’ll just make you look like an ‘off the cuff’ cook who can ‘feel’ quantities.
Food Stylist (FS): By the way, my daughter is studying Fridgescaping at University and will be styling the inside of the rented fridge, so can you please leave it open far longer than necessary, so she can screen grab it for her portfolio?
Meghan: No problem.
I am concerned about opening the champagne bottle. Because of my low-food diet I can only hold a champagne bottle for three seconds at a time before needing a break. So I’ll need to put it down and have a rest after I remove it from the fridge and take off the wire cage, before I pop the cork. Is that ok?
Netflix Executive 2 (NE2): Hmmm, that could be hazardous, what if the cork pops by itself in the meantime? Are we insured for that?
Health & Safety Officer (HSO): We can install a thin mattress on the ceiling in case of premature poppage?
Fashion Co-ordinator (FC): I just want to make everyone aware that we only have a limited number of outfits so if there are excessive spillages during filming we will have to source more clothes, but the budget for extras only runs to Zara.
Meghan: I have an old Northwestern sweatshirt we could use if we run out too.
Fashion Co-ordinator (FC): Ok, but you’ll need to cover the lettering with your hair in case anyone thinks it’s another nod to Princess Diana.
Health & Safety Officer (HSO): Also, slight snag for Episode 2, the kids party… we can’t have children on set. Not with Meg’s current knife skills.
Ghost of Martha Stewart: She would find it easier with a bigger knife! Get her a bigger knife FFS! Hellooooo? Can anyone hear me?
Meghan: That’s fine. Our children’s parties are more about the adults anyway, no children necessary, we can just imagine they might be popping along later.
That also means I can put child-sized metal gardening tools in the party bags without fear they might use them as weapons.
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Perfect. Although with no kids, we need more content if we can’t pack it out with smiling, running children in cream clothing?
Food Stylist (FS): Ok, I’ve seen this done once before, it’s a bit renegade, but what do you think about making the star shaped sandwiches one layer at a time? I.e. cut out one slice of pre-spread bread, then cut out the ham slice separately, then cut out the other slice of bread before putting all three items together? That would obviously take much longer and give them a more rustic feel, as all the edges wouldn’t be neat and perfect like if you made the sandwich and then cut them out?
Netflix Executive 2 (NE2): Genius! Let’s do that, it will take three times as long! Brilliant!
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): On to Episode 3, would it be safe for Meg to try a joke here perhaps? They’re making chicken wings, what did the writers come up with?
Head Writer: Ok, we have ‘feathering the nest’, ‘egg-cellent recipe’, ‘ruffling feathers with this method’, ‘egg-ception to the rule’, or perhaps just ‘wing it’?
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You guys kill me, that last one’s a real zinger!!!!!
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Episode 6, Games Night, Meg can you make tortilla chips?
Meghan: No, how about I chop some plantain slices and put them in the oven?
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Perfect. How did the one-fork chicken shredding go in rehearsal?
Meghan: It’s still a little awkward, but I think I can master it in time for filming. If not can someone hand me an extra fork and infer that’s how it’s meant to be done?
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Sure. We also have a technical issue with the word ‘diced’. Apparently Elon Musk now owns this word, so no one else can use it without his permission. What else can we use for dicing the fish?
Netflix Executive 2 (NE2): We could dice it at an angle and call it ‘rhombussing’?
Food stylist: No one has rhombussed since the 70’s! How about we ‘cube it’, do people cube?
Meghan: I can say I’m cutting it into ‘square sized chunks’?
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Nice!
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Episode 7, this one has to be perfect, as we have a sponsor for this episode… Heavy-As-Fuck Plates.
Netflix Executive 2 (NE2): Don’t they boast about being the heaviest granite plates in the world?
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Yes, they do, and Meg you’ll need to pick one up and flip a pan of dumplings out onto one. Do you think you’ll be able to do it by yourself?
Meghan: No, absolutely not, those plates are heavy as fuck. I will need some help, can Vicky and I do it together perhaps? We did a boxercise class once.
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): A four-handed flip? Sounds a little awkward, how’s the telemetry on that Bob?
Bob: Not good, but if they count it in… 1… 2… 3… they should be ok.
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Vicky what do you think? How about an extra $50,000 each if you make the flip without spilling it all?
Vicky: Yeah! We got this!
Production Manager (muttering under his breath): They so haven’t got anything, but hey that’s $100k saved.
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Ok, nearly done, Episode 8, how’s the flower budget?
Production Manager: I’m sorry, we blew it all on the gigantic arrangement in episode 5. What else can we use for the guest’s arrival bouquet?
Chief Flower Arranger: Dried lavender?
Food Stylist: I think that’s all accounted for.
Meghan: Carrots?
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): Don’t be ridiculous.
Chief Flower Arranger: Garlic?
Netflix Executive 2 (NE2): That might just work.
Netflix Executive 1 (NE1): And we’re done! Just wheel out Prince Harry for the garden party serving and no one will be looking at anything else.
Good luck people! Go and make great TV!!!
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, this meeting probably never took place. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. I would like to thank my pet tortoises Meg, Jo and Martha for the inspiration, as coincidentally they would also like their own Lifestyle Series on Netflix. No eggs were broken in the making of this post.
In summary
Although you may not believe it, if you haven’t watched any of this Series, there were plenty more gaffs and blunders to choose from.
The hardest thing about putting this post together was deciding what to leave out.
So if you want some easy-going viewing, perhaps whilst you’re crushing candy or tending to your digital milk farm, you might want to give it a go and spot all the other ‘inconsistencies’ that were mysteriously left in the edit.
Naughty Netflix.
Toodles!
K8x
Join in the comments below:
Have you watched any episodes yet?
What was your favourite blunder?
Would you like your own Lifestyle show?
Thank you for being here, please ❤️ (below) if you enjoyed this piece, it really helps others find it.
Rave review: Baby Reindeer – Netflix
I am not usually drawn to tales of woe, but since starting this Substack I’ve liked to pay close attention to what everyone else is watching, and therefore have been keeping one foot in Netflix’s Top Ten, hoping for another One Day or The Gentlemen.
Absolutely hilarious. I haven’t seen the show, but I’m now tempted to… after sending your article to all my friends so that we can play blunder bingo 😂
I only watched the first episode, but I still think you are spot on. And hilarious. 😆