Networking for Introverts
How to calm the anxiety and take the plunge.
Substack IRL meet-ups
So you’ve seen the announcement for a forthcoming Substack meet-up and would love to go and meet some fellow writers, but that would mean walking into a room full of people you don’t know, which is quite terrifying.
I hear you sister… brother… uncle… cousin…
You’re not alone, in fact everyone I’ve ever had this conversation with, has felt like this, no matter how confident they appear to be on the outside, including me.
According to the Myers-Briggs personality test, I am technically an extrovert and yet I used to shit myself in anticipation of the ‘elevator pitch’ style intros that everyone has to do at networking events. Utter cringe.
Not least of which is the creeping anxiety of that first entrance into a room full of strangers, which we have all experienced.
So I cannot even begin to imagine the stress and apprehension that an introvert would feel at this prospect, but bear with me, help is at hand!
Off on a Tangent
First, let me share with you, my worst ever entrance into a room full of people I didn’t know, and in this case, I think it was to my advantage that I didn’t know them, otherwise it would have been a helluva lot more embarrassing.
It was roughly 20 years ago, and took place at the Rooftop Bar of the Gansevoort Hotel in New York. For those who’ve never heard of it, it’s an über stylish venue in the über cool Meatpacking District.
It literally looks down on the Soho House rooftop terrace, where the iconic ‘Boy, Interrupted’ episode of Sex and the City was filmed.
To set the scene, Madonna had just finished a book signing earlier and therefore the place was stuffed to the rafters with the glitterati.
I came out of the lift (which opens up into the main bar area), my 4-inch heel skids across a relentlessly shiny floor and I literally do the splits into the room, whilst shrieking like I’m falling… because hey, I’m falling.
I shit you not.
Everyone turned to look at me.
I gather myself up and look back towards the lift, only to find my boyfriend still in it and doubled over, absolutely pissing himself with laughter!
That boyfriend is now my husband, who’s been telling the story ever since.
Which really illustrates beautifully that even when things go horribly wrong, at least you might get a funny story out of it, or even part of a post. 😉
Back to networking…
Rest assured a Substack meet-up isn’t like a normal networking event, because everyone has that one huge thing in common, they have a Substack… or they’re about to launch one.
Can you imagine going into a normal networking event of, say 20 people, and being told as you enter “two of those people also write a Substack”.
You would be desperate to find out who they are, because that one common thing would have you chitchatting away and swapping Substack journey’s in no time.
Now imagine an event, where ALL 20 people were Substack writers?
Happy days!
You can just wade on in, safe in the knowledge that you already have a huge commonality with whoever you end up talking to!
My gift to you
Don’t worry, I wouldn’t let you go in there empty handed, here’s a couple of opening gambits:
“Hi, I’m [xxxx], how long have you been on Substack?”
“What do you write about?”
Which should give you a solid five minutes with anyone in the room… but if the answers returned are a conversation stifling “I’ve yet to launch” and “The Secret Life of the Natterjack Toad”, we move to Phase II.
Phase II
Deploy the follow-up question:
“What other Substacks do you love?”
Lucky for you, I’ve prepared an over-analysis of their likely responses to this question, teamed with an action plan.
I suggest you commit it to memory before the event.
Answer: Café Anne by
These people secretly wish they were cool enough to live in New York, having fallen in love with the place after visiting it one time for a weekend of pre-Christmas shopping… the remnants of which is still on their credit card. Avoid the words ‘Clinique’ and ‘Bloomingdales’ as these can be triggering.
Answer: The Lucyverse by
You’ll want to hang around these people, especially if you skipped dinner, as they will no doubt have at least three different types of obscure Bavarian snacks in their bag, which you may be able to tease out by uttering the phrase:
“Christ I’m famished, I could murder a Punch Fancy!”
Answer: Things Worth Knowing with
Don’t be intimidated by the immaculate dress sense, they’ve been up since 5am and are slightly pre-occupied with wondering whether their dahlia cuttings have taken. Float the suggestion of how difficult it is to find a stylish gardening clog that doesn’t look like a Croc and you’ll be friends for life.
Answer: The Upper Hand with
Be wary of these folk, they know too much. Not only will they have commandeered your Mini Cheddars on arrival, you will soon be embroiled in a seat swapping frenzy with two other Substackers to ensure they end up with plenty of leg room and the Feng Shui position of power.
Answer: The Hyphen by
Don’t be fooled by their brightly coloured Vinted outfit, inside lurks more business sense than Sheryl Sandberg. Within five minutes you’ll be on a self-discovery journey trying to decide whether to spend autumn in Wales or summer in Italy, either way, you’ll have a super lovely time.
Answer: It’ll Be Fun They Said with
This is a rhetorical answer, of course they won’t be there yet… they will be late.
Answer: Sparkle on Substack with
They will be warm and welcoming, probably pulling a hot, buttered crumpet from their bag as they ‘hold you in the space’, you may never leave them.
Answer: The Queenager with
They are probably a tad older than the dim lighting would suggest. Stay close to them, they are fabulous in a crisis, will know where all the exits and fire extinguishers are located, and will remind you to send your mum a birthday card next week.
Answer: Dominic Cummings Substack
Make your excuses and leave… “Engineering works in the Woking area” usually works well here.
Answer: Letters from Therapy by
Within ten minutes of listening to their gentle meditative voice, you will be feeling empowered and unashamed enough to stride straight up to the bar and order yourself a Piña Colada because, despite it being a rainy Wednesday in London, that is what your true self really desires.
Answer: Off on a Tangent with
They are worth a good ten minutes, and have a highly developed sense of humour, despite over-using the words ‘literally’ and ‘thus’. Easy company and already half-pissed, having spent an hour killing time en-route, simply lean-in and mutter ‘Hygge Tygge’ in any lull in conversation, as it will set them off into giggles.
That should cover it.
Good luck mon braves, see you there!
K8x
PS: Next Substack Writer London Meet-up is 5 March 2025 full details here.
Hosted by the gorgeously welcoming
Here’s what happened at previous Substack Meet-ups:
Review: Substack Writer Meet-up London
Last night was the Substack Writer Meet-up in London, and I must say, I have such a good feeling about this group. It feels like the start of something very special. Substack Writer Meet-Up London Obviously I arrived at London Waterloo about 50 mins too early, due to a plethora of fortuitous …
Please ‘❤️’ below if you enjoyed this post, it not only steadies my nerves, but also helps others find it.
Adore ! And 100% find that "networking" or showing up alone can be delightful or horrendous. Fortunately with the general good vibes amongst the Substack community, I'm optimistic it'll be the former for most joining us!:)
Thanks for the shout out! Can’t wait to see you!