Wow it’s cold!!!
In southern UK right now the temperatures are barely getting above freezing during the day, and I’m feeling the chill.
When you work from home, you really do notice how bloody freezing your house is during the day, compared to that nice cosy office you used to work in.
I was sitting in my home office the other day, sporting a very comprehensive selection of knitwear, and contemplating whether or not to turn the heating onto ‘boost’ for a few hours…
Just to give you some background on this, in the ever-competitive world of Mr & Mrs D, it is seen as somewhat of a weakness to ‘cave’ and put the heating on during the day. So like some twisted Japanese game show we try and endure it as long as we can without. It’s character building right?
On this occasion as I sat at my desk, essentially freezing, I was reminded of the time my old e-commerce Company moved out of the cosy incubator office and into our first warehouse.
I am using the word ‘warehouse’, in its loosest sense. It was 1,000 sq ft of Council owned ‘starter Unit’. The walls were nothing more than corrugated metal, which ensured the inside temperate was magically 5℃ less than the outside temperature (year round), and the breeze block toilet within, was a good 5℃ less than that.
The only upside to this was that every week, I would say to the Saturday staff, as they went in to wash their hands…
Me: “The water isn’t too bad today actually!”
Bambi-eyed fresh-faced hopeful: “Really?”
Me: “No.”
B-E F-F H: “Doh!”
They fell for this for a full four weeks straight.
Heating logistics
There was no point trying to heat the interior because a) it would have cost money1 and we didn’t have any, and b) the loading bay door was up and down so often it would have all escaped outside anyway.
I had never worked in an environment of such persistent cold before, having always been an office-bunny, and now was acutely aware of the phrase ‘be careful what you wish for’, as I sat freezing in that premises, sporting a faux fur long-haired gilet nicknamed ‘the Yeti’. If only we’d only sold ten boxes, then I’d still be in the cosy office. Doh!
However, one incredible side-effect of working in the cold was that we all lost weight in the run-up to Christmas!
A bit of background…
I do love a bit of festive cheer, particularly in the form of food and drink, and would describe myself as an ‘indulger’. I am most definitely partaking in anything that’s being handed around, and would never insult a host by only having just the one Pig in Blanket.
Usually it was a case of how much weight would I gain, not how much would I lose. I hadn’t realised the true impact of the weight loss, until one Sunday lunch my mum asked me if I was ill, because my jeans were hanging off me!
Just to be clear, nothing has ‘hung off me’ since I was about 12 and a cat took an ill-advised leap at my back, whilst I was sporting a mohair jumper.
Not wishing to sound like the rain-soaked Andie MacDowell in Four Weddings and a Funeral, but “I hadn’t noticed”, and neither had anyone else due to the four layers plus Yeti that I was usually swathed in. What a result!!!
The science bit
As ever, I consulted Google and it turns out that being cold does indeed increase metabolism which in turn burns fat! Hoorah!
We need to keep our bodies at around 98 degrees Fahrenheit, so being in a cold environment increases our metabolism and makes us burn more calories to generate enough heat.
Full science bit here.
My favourite finding:
Research has confirmed that being outdoors in the cold can transform white fat into calorie-burning brown fat. If you're unfamiliar with these terms, white fat is the loose and “jiggly” fat that tends to settle in places like the belly, buttocks and thighs.
Now I’m not suggesting that you deliberately try and freeze yourself, but dropping the temperature by a few degrees isn’t going to hurt and could be beneficial, if you have the right mindset.
Off on a tangent… or should I say Wim…
Which reminds me of the time recently when our boiler broke and we had to wait an agonising nine days before it could be replaced. Yikes! No hot water!
Luckily I had stumbled upon Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop series on Netflix only days before and so I decided to embrace the Wim Hof method in the hopes of enduring or even enjoying cold showers! Imagine!?
For those of you who are unaware, Wim ‘the Iceman’ Hof is the Dutch Grandmaster of ice bathing, especially in the wild, he is renown for wearing just shorts in sub zero temperatures, and is rumoured2 to have recently taken up smoking just so he can legitimately hang around pub gardens in the winter wearing nothing but speedos.
The technique
There is an exercise to perform before entering into the freezing water that really does help you deal with the cold:
Stand feet apart, legs bent, as if you are about to return service in tennis.
Then (assuming you’re facing 12 o’clock) alternately extend your right arm, palm facing forward as if to signal stop, to the 11 o’clock position, and your left arm, palm facing forward as if to signal stop, to the 1 o’clock position.
With each arm-push, breathe out heavily and forcefully.
Repeat about 20 times.
It feels a bit like a yoga version of the Māori haka, and makes you feel just as powerful. I did this merry dance pre-freezing-shower and this was the result.
Dear broken boiler diary…
Day 1: Jesus shit! I can actually feel the stage where the polar water from outside the house comes through the shower head, unlike the merely cold water that has spent the night inside the house pipes.
Day 2: Ok it was cold, but not as horrific as Day 1, except when putting my head under and then insta-brain-freeze.
Day 3: Is hair-washing necessary? Dry shampoo was invented for a reason, and I think I’ve found out why.
Day 4: Weirdly not unpleasant, some might say refreshing! I am probably invincible and could live in the woods.
Day 5: I might just go feral.
Day 6: Perhaps I should join a gym just to use the hot shower?
Day 7: Enough already! The novelty had well and truly worn off. I would throw in the towel if it wasn’t the only thing keeping me warm.
It was an interesting experiment, but not one I would ever choose to repeat, even if you wrapped it up in a shepherd’s hut, added bottomless matcha and called it a retreat.
Suffice to say…
In mentally revisiting the plus side of being rather cold, I have eschewed my usual extra layer of chunky knit and refrained from hitting the ‘boost’ button for the duration of writing this post.
The optimist in me, thinks I have almost certainly dropped a dress size by now, particularly given I won’t be wearing one for a couple of months as it’s too bloody cold.
You’re welcome.
K8x
Luckily by our second winter there was enough money in the bank to buy everyone heated jackets! These are nothing short of miraculous, powered by a rechargeable USB battery that lasts up to 8 hours, I cannot recommend these enough for any warehouse workers or football mums and dads out there.
I started that rumour just now.
What's that Albert Camus quote? "In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." I take that quote a little further, and fling myself further (ie. Bonaire, tomorrow!). I live in long johns and a toque from the end of September to May. However, I do think it's good to feel shivery and hear your stomach growl. It makes you hungry for everything. I used to work at a hydrotherapy-centric spa with a waters circuit. The nine degree cold plunge turned my veins into spaghettini. It's a rush. My ideal job is in a greenhouse in July, never a beer store or anywhere with a walk-in freezer.
Brilliant - made me laugh! I had the opposite problem with our boiler when it wouldn't turn off during a heatwave. 😰