Observation: Quizzy Rascals
Plus – do local radio phone-ins actually want you to win?
I wouldn’t describe myself as a Quizzer, but I do like a pub quiz. Any excuse to get together with friends, and spend the evening desperately trying to remember how many stars are on the Chinese flag. I’m in!
Ever since my friend moved into one of the local villages I’ve been attending their local Pub Quiz on a very regular basis, and I must say, despite the fact that we don’t usually make it into the top half, and our best ever was 2nd place, I love it!
I must say it’s a tough quiz and we are at a distinct disadvantage with not being born in the 1950’s… if you catch my drift. Some of the questions are seemingly impossible for us youngsters in our 50’s!
Off on a tangent…
I’ve always found local radio phone-in competition’s utterly hilarious because they are sooo tough! I’m convinced the stations don’t actually want anyone to win, because they have no budget for the prizes.
“If you can answer all 20 questions correctly… in under 5 seconds, this Radio Solent mug will be winging its way to you!”
Our very own Eagle Radio’s ‘Mystery Voice’ competition was literally ‘impossible’ for these two reasons: 1) the voice sample would be no more than two indecipherable syllables, and 2) you wouldn’t know the voice of said celebrity anyway, even if he smacked you in the face whilst reciting Shakespeare.
On one occasion the same ‘Mystery Voice’ lasted about 10 months! They kept rolling on the prize money which built to about £10k, such was their reluctance to part with any of it!
The utter frustration for the listener of this competition, was that the DJ’s would always highlight the fact that there was a growing list of ‘wrong guesses’ published on their website, and always asked the inept contestant whether they had checked it?
About a third of the time, they said No!!!!!
Jesus Christ! What kind of idiot would go to all the trouble of trying to get on a radio competition, without checking the answer they were about to proffer was already on the wrong guesses list?
Quite a few as it turns out.
With only three guesses per day (two on the Breakfast Show and one on Drive Time) it was no surprise that this particular ‘Mystery Voice’ lasted 10 months!
Here’s my impression of what it sounded like:
I shit you not!
That’s it, that’s all you got, not even a whole phrase, never mind a sentence!
So after TEN solid months of Breakfast’s Peter Gordon saying “I’m sorry, no, it’s not Alan Titchmarsh” somebody actually guessed it right!
How, I will never know! It must have been an inside job.
The answer was Chris Lowe!!!
Yep, that’s right, more commonly known as ‘the other guy in 80’s pop duo Pet Shop Boys who isn’t Neil Tennant’! And even if you knew who he was, you’d never heard him speak! He was the silent keyboard guy, not the frontman! I still can’t even believe someone actually won it at all, even after ten months!
And yes, folks, it did happen whilst I was on holiday! Doh!
Charlie and I used to listen to it on the way into work, alternating between abject horror and utter amazement.
if you’re reading this, can you please assure our dear Readers in the Comments section below, that I’m not exaggerating here regards the length and quality of the ‘Mystery Voice’, and that despite no formal training, my voice impression is startlingly accurate?
Back to the Pub Quiz…
After our first three outings and three penultimate last places, we were beginning to think we would never do much better, but then one month, thankfully, the Landlady adopted a puppy!
Who must have shat on her time-machine, so she couldn’t compile the usual ‘one for the oldies!’ quiz, and so it contained more anagram style questions which are right up our street!
No knowledge of how much a pint of milk was in 19501 required!
We ended up 4th from last! Huzzah, a new PB!
Note 1: That was an actual question for the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee Special, along with nine other ‘guess the price of’ questions. Time literally stood still for that round, I recall it lasting 2 hours. Nil points.
There is no prize money at our quiz, all the entry money goes to charity, it’s just the prestige and bragging rights of a notional podium place that we’re all playing for.
However, we discovered one month that there is a booby prize for last place…
It was presented to us when we came 2nd to last (again!) and the actual losers had already gone home! Two cans of Guinness and a packet of dog treats for us!
Get in! 🙌
What makes a good quiz team
Our team is pretty fluid, in that there’s about 10 people on the WhatsApp, but only 5-6 can ever make it at once, and I have noticed over the last couple of years that some quiz-centric traits have emerged amongst the players.
Ideally you’d have a team of six all representing a different subject: The Geographer, The Historian, The Entertainer, The Sports Fan, The Arts Buff and The Scientist.
However, this is not an ideal world, and your team is far more likely to look like mine… comprising of…
The Leader
Pros: They will have booked the table five minutes after the last quiz ended, and always carry at least five pens.
Cons: The team grows to rely on them so much that when they can’t make it, no one knows whether a table has been booked, or who booked it, or what day it’s on. Adversely, if there are two Leaders present, things can get horrifically tense.
Likely quote: “Put a question mark next to it, if you’re not sure!!!”
(Whilst jabbing their index finger at their neighbour’s marking.)
The Shusher
Pros: You will score higher if you actually obey them, and try not to blurt out your answers so others can hear.
Cons: They are more preoccupied with other teams over-hearing your wild guesses, than actually providing any answers themselves. If the Shusher is also the Leader, it can be a long night.
Likely quote: “Shuuuuuuush!!!! … What’s the point!?”
The Group Thinker
Pros: Bit by bit they manage to drag the correct answer out of the team.
Cons: It takes so long, that everyone misses the next question and has to request a re-read.
Likely quote: “Oooh, I can see him now… I think his name begins with a B… he was in that Chicago-based film… wore a hat… talked in a really ‘clipped’ way?”
The Inner Child
Pros: They know all the words to old nursery rhymes and obscure references to 80’s cartoons.
Cons: They have to recite the first half of said nursery rhyme at least six times, before they get to the answer, which is always hidden in the 3rd verse.
Likely quote: “It was his paper plaster!!!!!!”
The Self-Doubter
Pros: None.
Cons: They get hung up on one question early on and keep going back to that question despite it being two rounds later. Has absolutely no confidence in their answers, so needs them cross-checked and verified by at least two other team members.
Likely quote: “I don’t believe it! I said Joni Mitchell!”
The Guesser
Pros: Their relentless guessing can sometimes trigger the actual answer from another team mate.
Cons: They can often over-guess their way past the correct answer.
Likely quote: “Nigeria? Kenya? Uganda? Oh no, hang on… Morocco? Actually, what about Guam?”
The Cheater
Pros: Your score will be higher than usual, but not to the extent that a Steward’s Enquiry will be triggered.
Cons: They sometimes get caught-out hovering around other tables on their third, very slow walk around the pub.
Likely quote: “Put what you like, but the general consensus seems to be Joan of Arc.”
The Obscurian
Pros: Can answer the one question that no one else in the room can.
Cons: That’s all they can answer.
Likely quote: “No, no, no, everyone thinks it’s Michelangelo, but it’s actually Leonardo da Vinci.”
The Puzzler
Pros: This person is a wizard at anagrams and cryptic crossword style questions.
Cons: They will use up all the spare paper available including the back of Rounds 1-4 for their workings.
Likely quote: “Toilets is T S Eliot!”
The Drinker
Pros: Always first to the bar to sort everyone’s refills.
Cons: The music round at the end often turns into a sing-song.
Likely quote: “Same again?”
Win or lose it’s all good fun! I wish you the very best of luck in your next Quiz!
Top tip: read more Substacks!
Thanks to
and who’s Substacks netted us two extra points for Tolstoy and Truman Capote respectively. 👏 👏 👏
Comments time…
Which type of Quizzer are you?
Have you ever won anything on a radio phone-in?
Please let me know in the Comments section below! 👍
Toodles!
K8x
That was an actual question for the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee Special, along with nine other ‘guess the price of’ questions. Time literally stood still for that round. Nil points.
I just read your Quiz Team characters out loud to my wife. We are not quiz folk but this was really funny--I do love strange facts but prefer reading them and not guessing them! (Did you know that an octopus has three hearts?) I loved the bit about the landlady's dog shatting on her time machine of the old-timey obscurity. And, to answer your query about radio show winnings, my dad actually won tickets for our family to visit the African Lion Safari (*not the real one in Africa, this one is located in Cambridge, Ontario, Canada). He simply had to be the sixth caller and roar like a lion. Winner! Thanks for this one!
Years ago, my oldest friend won £100,000 (!!!) on a Capital Radio voice comp that had run for ages. IIRC, the voice was Sarah from Bananarama.