It Ends With Us: Film Review & the Outing of ChatGPT
Warning: Does contain vague spoilers, and will lead you to question your faith in AI.
It Ends With Us
I really wanted to review this film, it’s the perfect candidate because:
It’s a film adaptation of a bestselling romance novel, written by Colleen Hoover.
So there’s a good chance many of you have read it.It’s a box office smash.
So there’s a good chance many of you have seen it.It’s controversial.
So there’s a good chance many of you will have an opinion on it.
Tickety-tick-tick. ✔️
However, things didn’t go quite as planned.
Let’s set the scene…
An activity that is widely viewed as beyond decadent is… going to the cinema, on your own, in the middle of the afternoon, on a weekday.
I think we can all agree on that.
I’m eight months into my famous Midlife Gap Year and this is the first time I’ve actually done this!
Outrageous! What the hell have I been doing with my time?
In the day-dreaming stage of my Gap Year, I was doing this on a weekly basis, flashing my notional ‘Limitless Passport’ as I entered, whilst double checking my FitBit to verify that I’d just walked the 5,000 steps to get there.
The sun was, of course, shining and I’d dropped about three dress sizes, despite never wearing dresses.
Wherein the actual reality was that I’d been hit by a bout of procrastination and had the brilliant idea of going to the cinema!
I wonder what’s on?
‘It Ends With Us’ is out now and headlining, huzzah!
And it starts in 30 minutes double-huzzah! The perfect excuse to drive!
After a totally unnecessarily tense 10 minutes downloading the Odeon App and trying to buy a ticket on that, which failed, I went old skool (website on the laptop) and succeeded in securing my seat.
And off I went… 20 mins until curtain up!
It’s a 10 minute drive, or 2 hours depending on traffic.
Luckily this time, all the lights were green and I sailed through them in a Truman Show-esque glide.
A quick 10 second dither over the immense off-peak parking space choices and I’m in, with enough time to haemorrhage almost double1 the price of the ticket on a bottle of water and some salted popcorn!
Fully armed, I slide into my seat a couple of minutes before ‘the presentation’ starts and realise I needn’t have panicked after all, as there will be at least 20 minutes of Ads before the film starts. Sigh.
The Main Event
Here’s the ‘It Ends With Us’ official film synopsis, you can give that a read, while I make the top third of my popcorn disappear:
‘Lily Bloom moves to Boston to chase her lifelong dream of opening her own business. A chance meeting with charming neurosurgeon Ryle Kincaid soon sparks an intense connection, but as the two fall deeply in love, she begins to see sides of Ryle that remind her of her parents' relationship. When Lily's first love, Atlas Corrigan, suddenly reenters her life, her relationship with Ryle gets upended, leaving her with an impossible choice.’
Fab! It sounds like a cross between Girlboss and Sophie’s Choice. Perfect.
And so it begins…
A Flower Shop?
The business in question is a Flower Shop, what could be more perfect?
A love triangle set within a gorgeously, bright and colourful backdrop of blooms and excited customers, wishing to make ‘that special someone’s day’.
I can only assume, like me, Lily Bloom is not a 5am girl, and once she discovered the harsh reality of owning a flower shop, was to be at the flower market by 5am, she instead opted for a leisurely browse around an antiques market on a Sunday afternoon.
I have never seen a ‘flower shop’ with less flowers in it. I must have missed the scene where she appoints Morticia Addams to do the interior design, as the result is so gloomy and stuffed with bric-a-brac, I was beginning to wonder whether they were sharing a set with the Antiques Roadshow.
However, this does go a long way to explain why we never see any customers in the shop, only main characters.
Parking ticket!
It was at this point (in real life) that I realised, in my Disney-esque arrival scene, I totally forgot to get a parking ticket! Shit! That was an hour ago!
I might be adding an extra £30 fine to this super indulgent afternoon… and I thought the popcorn was expensive!
Grapples for phone… no signal!?!
Are you shitting me?
Wifi?
Unbelievably there is wifi, and I manage to get on it after some hasty registering.
I then do some Google-mapping to find out what the name of the carpark I had parked in was, then onto RingGo to solve my problem and buy a bloody parking ticket! Done! ✔️
Christ that was stressful and almost derailed my Doris-Day-like existence for a moment there!
Back to the film…
We’re roughly halfway through… and I woke up with a start!
Fuckety-Cunting-Bollox!!!
I exclaimed, safe in the knowledge that I wasn’t going to do a voiceover for this one.
How long have I been asleep for?
How much have I missed?
Shit! Shit! Shit!
“You utter buffoon!” Taunted the ghost of Barry Norman2.
I must have slipped into some kind of post-panic salt-induced coma for a few moments or minutes… who knows how long!?
Had I missed anything key, or was it still ticking along on its natural path?
Then there was the bigger question of…
Could I review a film that I’d fallen asleep during?
The idea seemed preposterous… and therefore hugely appealing.
Could I?
Now and then, my inner monologue just dares me to do stuff, and sometimes I say yes.
So when the idea of writing a film review about a film that I’d fallen asleep to in the cinema came up, it’s not something I could resist.
The absurdity of the prospect, just kept getting bigger in my mind.
I started thinking that I have literally never read a film review, where the reviewer admits to not having seen the film fully.
What could be more ridiculous than ‘a light nap’ in the middle of a film review?!
The more I thought about it, the more ridiculous and therefore irresistible it became… and let’s not forget ‘groundbreaking’ in its originality!
I have read many film reviews, but NEVER have I read one that featured an accidental snooze.
And so here we are…
It Ends With Us
Throughout this film we go back and forth in time to establish the story behind Lily’s first love.
The young Lily is cast brilliantly, in fact you do spend time wondering if somehow, perhaps with CGI it is in fact Blake Lively (who plays the older Lily) somehow made to look a lot younger, or maybe she’s trialling a new Crème de la Mer moisturiser?!
Isabela Ferrer (who plays young Lily) was an unknown actress before this film, she doesn’t even have her own Wikipedia page yet! Bless.
So it looks like the creators went to a lot of trouble, and succeeded, in finding someone who looks incredibly similar to her ‘older self’. Well done chaps! 👏
And then we meet her ‘first love’ Atlas Corrigan…
Now, I’m not gonna lie to you, on first sighting of young Atlas my initial thought was:
“There’s a distinctive looking guy.”
I think it’s fair to say, this is a man (below right) who has never been described as having ‘regular features’.
Even though at no point did we see them in the same room at the same time, we just know Young Atlas would have the bigger head… and a bigger nose, and bigger eyes and closer brows, and a deeper chin, and a more receding hairline, and a wider face, in fact all his facial features are totally different!
When we ‘meet’ old Atlas in the film, he now has a beard… and I’ll bet there was some deep discussion over whether he should also be wearing a hat and a snorkel, so we wouldn’t immediately spot the non-similarity.
This got me to thinking… and when I say thinking, I mean browsing.
Despite this film already being shrouded in controversy, with the two leads (Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni) massively falling out, I’m going to throw something else into the mix!
Maybe they fell out due to the dubious casting of either young or old Atlas!?
I’m suspecting some favours were called in, or a high stakes poker game perhaps, with the role of Atlas Corrigan as the prize!
I wondered if the lead actors had prior connections to young or old Atlas?
ChatGPT confirms3 this:
Yes, Alex Neustaedter was in the film Clouds. … The film, directed by Justin Baldoni…
Aha!
So Young Atlas worked with the lead actor on the film Clouds together!
I went to re-verify this the next day, and must have phrased the question a little differently, and was told by ChatGPT that:
Alex Neustaedter and Justin Baldoni both appeared in the 2018 film A-X-L.
OMG! So they were in multiple films together, they are practically best buddies!
I wonder if Blake Lively and Brandon Sklenar have ever worked on the same film?
ChatGPT:
Blake Lively and Brandon Sklenar both appeared in the 2020 film The Rhythm Section.
Eureka!
I exclaimed, whilst simultaneously straightening my deerstalker and finger-rolling one side of my elaborate moustaches.
I then cross-checked this ‘information’ with their Wikipedia pages, only to find that NONE of these things were true!
Really?
Yup. NONE.
But ChatGPT knows everything…
I wondered if it thought perhaps I too had appeared in a film with Justin Baldoni?
New query:
Gutted.
Why was it prepared to lie for film stars but not for me?
Never one to give up…
Slightly amended query all in lowercase:
YES!!!
I had a role in the film!!!
Which just goes to prove:
Never believe anything you read on the internet.
Except that last one… just for a moment. Swoon.
In summary
From what I could gather, this film followed a predictable path, classic love triangle, Justin’s character gets rather too handsy, surprise pregnancy, inevitable split, followed by annoying chance meeting and implied sunset moment with Atlas.
Not the happy ending I was hoping for.
Co-parenting with a neurosurgeon is going to be fraught with scheduling issues, last minute changes and let downs.
I think I’ll give the sequel a miss, as it’s probably just going to be intense negotiations regarding every other Weekend and Wednesday nights.
Phew!
I think that went rather well, all things considered.
K8x
PS: Tune in next week when I’ll be having a general anaesthetic to get through Emily in Paris Season 4.
Join in the comments below:
What did you think of this film or book?
Have you ever felt like Doris Day?
What is the most inappropriate place you’ve fallen asleep?
Thank you for being here, please ❤️ (below) if you enjoyed this piece, it really helps others find it.
Observation: The Mile-Cry Club
I recently watched two films on a flight, one horrifically hellacious and the other unbelievably captivating.
Film tickets are now a bargain bucket £5 each, whereas the bottle of water and popcorn was a princely £9.48! Obviously I went for the extra large popcorn, as it was only 50p more than the large, which was only 50p more than the ‘medium’. You know I took the rest home to bag up, so don’t start with me about wastage. 😉
The legendary British Film Critic who’s opinion was the only one to be trusted throughout the 80’s and 90’s.
Screengrabs are available upon request to prove that these were actual answers provided by ChatGPT from genuine, non-misleading questions. I shit you not.
This seemed like a hilarious afternoon of Dora the Explorer 😂
I don't think it’s the most inappropriate, but I often fall asleep in the cinema. I blame movies 😂 The most recent was Trap. Just don't bother unless you need a dark, public place to take a nap 😂
Never read the book or saw the movie, although I did hear about the dust up (read: creative differences?) between Justin and Blake. I can honestly say that that I've never felt like Doris Day (although I loved her movies) and I've never fallen asleep in a movie theater (although my Dad does. LOL). I blame the movie, the food coma (lunch beforehand or hot dog, popcorn, etc), or the sugar crash from eating/drinking all that candy and/or soda.