Secret Santa – the best version ever!

Why you've been doing it wrong all these years.

Preface

A miniscule number of you (10 to be precise) may be familiar with this Secret Santa concept already as, not only do we play it every year in real life, but it was my third ever post on Substack, just over a year ago.

Despite my best efforts to get it seen on Substack Notes, with virtually no following, it only managed a princely 80 views in total, so I thought not only could I save myself some keystrokes this week, but surely this plucky little hero deserves another chance.

Huge apologies to the handful of you who have already read it, I will buy you a drink over the festive season to make up for that. 😘

Without further ado, here’s how to upgrade your Christmas with this version of Secret Santa…

Secret Santa – why you’ve been doing it wrong all these years!

Before the Christmas season starts in earnest I'd love to share with you a wonderfully fun take on a concept you'll think you're familiar with, but in fact you've been doing wrong all these years… Secret Santa!

Secret Santa: versions to avoid at all costs

Version 1: pick a name out of a hat and buy them a present. This can lead to intensely awkward situations if you don't know or like the person you've picked, or you have a secret crush on them. There's nothing more cringe than an overly thoughtful gift or a hugely inappropriate one, particularly in an office environment. Utter pants.

Version 2: buy a present 'for anyone' within the budget, put them all on a table and one by one everyone picks one and settles for total pot luck. Total shite.

However, if you add in these 19 intentionally over-complicated rules, you can transform Secret Santa into the highlight of Christmas when played with a group of friends or family, or both! 

Secret Santa: the best version ever!

Here's what to do, and for this example we are assuming a group of six people:

1. Set a date for your Christmas gathering. We use doodle poll or a WhatsApp Poll, otherwise the planning takes longer than the actual event.

2. Settle on a gift budget that everyone can easily afford.

3. Buy a gift to that budget, that you hope others may like, but the key thing here is that YOU actually like it, as you may well end up with it. Weirdly this notion really enhances the gift-buying process and gives you the freedom to go totally off-piste, away from the scented candles and into the world of cut-price paper shredders. 

4. If you come in under budget then top-up your gift with chocolate or socks. Everyone likes to get their money's worth, and you'll be surprised by the extra pulling power of a few Lindt chocolates.

5. Wrap your gift beautifully. Preferably in an over-sized box or with extravagant ribbons to fool the picker into thinking it's big and luxurious… when in fact it's a 'construct your own paper vase' kit. Ha!

6. On the evening of the gathering, all wrapped gifts are deposited and displayed on a table. Strictly no touching or lifting of the other gifts is allowed, and where possible, people do not know who brought what. Admittedly the host and early arrivals will have the advantage here, but that serves you right for being late.

7. Write the numbers 1 to 6 on bits of paper, fold them up really small, place in a cup and give them a good shuffle.

8. All gather together in the same room as the gift table and proceed to pick a number each. For reference 1 is the worst and 6 is the best.

9. Let the game commence! Whoever has drawn No.1 must start by picking a gift from the table. They must unwrap it for all to see and try not to look completely crest-fallen if it's a 'Best Fish & Chips Guide to the UK' book, teamed with actual salt and vinegar.

10. Here's where it gets interesting… No.2 goes next, and they can EITHER choose a 'fresh pick¹' from the remaining five gifts on the table, or steal No.1's gift!

    
    We really need a flow chart at this point, but I'll try and do it with words and see how we go…

11. If No.2 opts to steal from No.1, then No.1 has no choice now but to go for a fresh pick. The rules state very clearly that you cannot steal something back immediately, so the only option here is to take a fresh pick.

12. If No.2 opts for a fresh pick, then next up No.3 MUST STEAL, as the rules also state very clearly that you can only have two² fresh picks in a row!

13. By the time No.4 wades into the action they can already get a sense of what's hot and an even clearer sense of what's not. Each time a new person enters the fray they have the choice of either stealing from the increasing number of revealed items, or going for a fresh pick.

14. Likewise each person who has been 'stolen from' can either steal from someone else³ or go for a fresh pick. 

15. If this year's crop of gifts are good then a stealing circle of 3-4 people will be established as they all tactically pretend to like the Spiralizer, when in fact they're secretly going for the Hachoir Herb Cutter & Board set.

16. This relentless stealing madness continues apace until either one⁴ of the players decides to eschew all the revealed gifts and 'take one for the team' by going for the one remaining 'mystery' gift. Which, by now, everyone has worked out was brought by the friend who's recently come back from Malawi, and therefore must surely contain some hand-crafted horror-show of a souvenir, panic-bought at the airport… packed out with camel’s chocolate to make up the budget. 

17. OR a total number of 20 swaps have occurred in a row⁵, at which point the 21st potential swap must instead go for the last remaining fresh pick and end the game.

18. Once the last present has been unwrapped, the game ends.

19. 'Swaps' are now officially available, much to everyone's relief, which is your chance to trade those cute coffee cups back for the fluffy boot slippers you originally brought.

Merry Christmas everyone!

K8x

PS: All of the example gifts above are not fictitious flights of fancy, but actual, real gifts, bought in earnest by my friends. Well done girls! Roll on this year's Secret Santa, I can hardly wait!

Join in the comments below:

Do you practice the ancient art of Secret Santa, if so, who with?

What’s the worst and/or best gift you’ve ever received at a Secret Santa?

Thank you for being here, please ❤️ (below) if you enjoyed this piece, it really helps others find it.

1. The rules clearly state that a 'fresh pick' cannot be the present that you brought. Even if yours is the last present left on the table, if it's yours, you must steal instead.

2. This was a late addition to the rule book after one unbelievably dull year, where the gifts were so bad no one wanted to steal and everyone just went for a fresh pick. Well not any more, we have changed the rules!

3. It is against the rules to immediately steal back the thing that was just stolen from you, however much you like it.

4. Thank you KK for rising above it all, always.

5. This rule had to be added in after a year when sadly KK was not present to curtail the infinite swapping circle.